Dear alice,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but our affair is over. I think I realized it when we skinny dipped in the bathtub at the mental hospital and I saw you sit on my boyfriend. I'm sure you're cowardly enough to understand the middle-east is planning their revenge on you. I'm returning our matching snoopy underwear to you, but I'll keep your photo with the moustache drawn on it as a memory. You should also know that I hate your cooking and I'm scratching my butt as you read this.
go milk a cow,
chloe
How to do this:
Dear (choose a random person) ,
I don't reall